Today i am very aware of increasing fear the last few days. This is a fear that has always been with me and it vacillates in its intensity depending on my level of presence in the moment. Most days it is nothing more than a background sense of dis-ease out of awareness but still there. Others, like yesterday and this morning it moves to the forefront of my attention and seems to hold me and grab for my attention every moment that attention is freed.
The last few days have been spent working on doing things that will generate income for me, and while i do enjoy doing them, i am aware they are not my passion and i do them out of fear of survival. They hold my attention enough that i sacrifice my quiet time in favor of working and meeting the commitments i have made. Those commitments and possibly some desire to be liked by others drives me to do the “work” more than i would prefer.
There can be balance and yet between the fear, and my new living arrangements, i find it challenging to do what i am passionate about in favor of doing what i think will lessen my fear. The funny thing is, my past experience has shown me that truth lies in seeing it all the other way around.
