Bordem – Are You?

I realized yesterday while talking with a friend that it has been quite some time since i last experienced boredom.  With that realization came a wonderful feeling of surprise and peace in seeing change happen without “trying” to change.  I did not set out a few years ago on a mission to stop experiencing boredom.  I simply noticed as often as i could those times i was feeling bored and intentionally brought that sense of disease to my awareness (along with all of the other learnings and practices i apply whenever possible – being present, noticing less-than thoughts, finding the stories i make up and choose to believe, etc.).  Then one day, yesterday actually, i fully receive the change in the awareness of the absence of boredom.

I do still experience moments of disinterest, but they are softer and easier to accept than the boredom i used to experience quite often.  Actually, i minimized in that last statement – my life was essentially an experience of boredom all the time, everywhere i went and everything i did.  Boredom was for me, a deep, background unease no matter where i was or whom i was with.  I didn’t know it then because i had nothing to compare it to, but i can see now that i was always looking over my shoulder for something better, something bigger, something more interesting, and was NEVER truly present in the moment, doing what i was doing or attending whomever i was with.  I was always half there and half away, looking, waiting, scanning to be sure i wasn’t missing something.  That, for me, was and is boredom.

Boredom says;  this moment, person, place, experience, is not enough.   It’s that simple, and yesterday i was given the gift of awareness that i now rarely experience this moment, person, place or experience as not enough.

Ah, such joy in seeing after not seeing while change is happening.

I realize also that this way of being in the world i now experience is a result of willingness, honesty and daily practice as demonstrated in Who Would I Be Without.

Advertisements