Is it possible to truly “forgive and forget”? Quite often, we tell ourselves it is simply because we have to.
Somewhere deep inside we the story that says if we can’t “forgive and forget”, we’ll be miserable. This unconscious thought points to a future so frightening we must suppress it in order to survive. Life can be so much more than mere survival if we find the willingness to look deeper into ourselves. When we are able to look deeper we find guidance hidden behind our fears, and relative to this topic, we can find clarity and freedom.
The freedom comes when we realize that our judgment of others, and judging must have occurred if forgiveness is necessary, is the cause of our unhappiness, anger, fear or just plain suffering. When we judge another, we suffer, often much more than the one being judged. In actuality, when we judge, we say, “You are guilty, not me…” and if we listen to the ego system telling us that judging them as guilty makes us feel better, then we are surely lost.
We may feel better initially, but that feeling of superiority, validity, and apparent value lasts only a moment and is quickly obscured by suffering. Our suffering surfaces in the form of frustration, anxiety, anger, irritation, jealousy, and on and on. These appear to us as the true feelings stemming from our judgment of the other (person, place, or thing) as being wrong.
We are lost because the results of our judgment never really go away. Sure, we may be quite efficient in covering them up, ignoring them, or repressing them, but they remain nonetheless. The very structure of judgment makes ‘forgive and forget’ impossible, and if we look with eyes of loving honesty, we find that even though we tell ourselves we have “forgiven”, the guilt remains. The resistance to owning this is enormous but can be overcome through looking and noticing who we are, how we feel, and how we experience ourselves in the moment of judgment or anytime after.
True freedom in the world, true freedom to love self and others unconditionally, comes when we suspend all judgment. Live and let live; we say it, but to experience it is to experience joy and love on levels we rarely, if ever, experience.
Judgment makes forgive and forget impossible.
Judgment makes live and let live impossible.
Judgment, is why we suffer.