It’s my guess that at some point in your life you’ve been hurt by someone you trusted.
We all want to rest in knowing that no one will ever violate our trust, ever again!
It is possible that no one will violate your trust ever again! It depends solely on how you define TRUST.
- What is “trust”?
- What does “trust” mean to you?
- What does “trust” look like in your life?
- Do you know certain people you trust?
- Can you find at least one person in your life you do not trust?
- What’s the difference for YOU between a person who gets your trust and one who does not?
- How is it we are willing and able to trust one person and not another?
- When someone has lost your trust, what must they do to gain it back?
- When someone has lost your trust, and they do what they must to gain it back, does your trust ever really come back 100%?
- How does a violation of your trust by someone affect you?
- How do you relate to someone who has violated your trust?
- What must you do to overcome, or move past the experience of having your trust violated?
- Do you ever “truly” move past it or is it always there in the background even after you tell yourself you have forgiven them?
- When you look deep inside, what is your experience with someone who broke your trust and you have “forgiven” them?
- How is it for you to render judgment on another that they are guilty and you are the one holding the power in the form of your choosing to forgive or not to forgive?
- Do you believe it is possible for another person to be responsible for your feelings?
- And, how is it for you right now to consider that the violation of trust is yours, not theirs?
If you are willing, take the time to reflect and answer each of these questions with as much honesty as you can muster.
Spoiler Alert: If you are going to answer the questions above you may find more benefit from stopping here to answer them before reading any further. Also, there is great benefit in writing your answers out on an actual sheet of paper.
When I began looking at trust it took a great deal of time and effort for me to be truly honest with myself. After many attempts, I eventually discovered that it wasn’t trust itself, but the meaning I was attaching to trust, that was responsible for the sense of betrayal and suffering I experienced when someone violated my so-called trust.
I will ask again, what is trust? Here is my current definition that formed only after taking a good long look at the questions above and the role trust played in my life.
Trust says: “I feel safe in my belief that you will behave (in words and in actions) the way I expect you to behave.”
Take a moment to consider this definition. Try applying it to the times you think your trust was violated. Can you see any instance where your trust was violated and it wasn’t because someone or something stepped outside of how you expected them to be?
We like to argue with the simple take on things and this area of trust is one that loves to remain complicated. For example, there are few things more complicated than our committed relationships. When one partner has “relations” with someone else we say that our trust was broken. What actually happens here? In simplest terms, the person did not behave, in actions and possibly in words, in the manner we expected them to. It’s that simple.
Today I trust that everyone will do exactly as they do. Today this level of trust helps to keep me safe in accepting everyone and everything just as it is.
- When I put parameters on what trust is, I limit the other person.
- When I put parameters on my trust I suffer when others are doing nothing except being who they are.
- When I put parameters on trust I’m setting up a win / lose situation.
- When I put parameters on trust I’m positioning myself to judge the other against my standards.
- When I judge others against my standards it appears they are guilty.
- When I judge others as guilty I am the one that suffers in my judgement.
- When I put parameters on trust I am setting the stage for my suffering.
When I trust you will do whatever you do, there are no strings attached to my trust. My trust is extended equally to everyone and in return I meet them and myself on deeper levels than ever before. This is possible because I know I am not dependent on them for my sense of peace and happiness in the world which leaves them free to be whomever they are in every moment.
I invite you to consider ILLUSIVE SECRETS: DISCOVERING THE POWER OF SELF-HONESTY and other books and CDs at www.JamesPatrickMcDonald.com
Visit our VIDEO PAGE where we offer EMPOWERING topics and self-awareness tools & tips.
JOIN OUR EMAIL LIST to receive the Student of Experience newsletter. Receive a FREE download just for joining